


Nightmares Side Stories

by Lex_Munro



Series: Dreams of the Waking Man [7]
Category: Cable and Deadpool, Young Avengers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Brief Violence, Character Death, Het and Slash, Mild Language, Multi, Nuclear Warfare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-18
Updated: 2011-08-11
Packaged: 2017-10-22 12:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/238169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lex_Munro/pseuds/Lex_Munro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A pair of triptych pieces about the life and death of Tom Shepherd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hero

**Author's Note:**

> These were originally posted (and indeed written) in a very different order. On my LJ, they're linked at more or less the same time and can be read in nearly any order; on FF.net, they're in vaguely chronological order.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment of the Big One, from Kate's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:**   some Young Avengers, Earth-339.  stupid people.  world-go-boom.  character death.  mild violence, mild gore.  language: pg-13 (for g**damn).
> 
>  **pairing:**   none/gen.  a brief bit of Tommy/Kate humor.
> 
>  **timeline:**   2019, the day of the Big One. let's call it...late September?
> 
>  **disclaimer:**   i doesn't owns the movies, comics, or characters. or the assorted objects of pop culture reference.
> 
>  **notes:**   1) for my purposes, there are seven full-sized helicarriers that have been refitted for Project Ark.  since this is an AU, i can make decisions like that.  2) MSD = minimum safe distance.  the shortest distance from an explosion at which you can survive without special precautions (like bunkers or radiation suits).  for a 1-megaton bomb, the typical assumed MSD is 10 miles (but note that a 1-megaton bomb is pretty big, and most nuclear bombs are much lower-yield).  3) i said to myself "SELF, it's been too long since you killed off a character.  can't have your readers getting complacent.  TIME FOR A GOOD GUY TO KICK OFF! *rubs hands in anticipation*"

**Hero**

 

Kate wanted to scream.

No, really.  Any second now.

“Shouldn’t you be—I dunno, taking a _census_ of some kind?  You should.  You should be writing down all our names, and our jobs.  I mean, it can only be beneficial to know what kinda resources you’ve got aboard these things.  Y’know, how many doctors, how many teachers, how many…”

“At this point, it’s too close to the deadline to worry about that, ma’am,” Kate said with a forced smile.  “Our priority right now is to get as many people onto the carrier as possible.”

“Well, _why_?” the irritatingly officious woman prodded.  “I mean, we all had plenty of warning, lots of time to get in line…why just start shoving them all in like sardines when they could have an actual _function_ , and be _useful_ , and—”

Kate helped an old woman up the last step into the airlock.  “Ma’am, we have fewer than five minutes left until the deadline, these people will start to trample you if you don’t get out of the way.”

“You hero types are supposed to be helping,” the nosy woman huffed.  “This is all your responsibility.  If you’re going to do something like this, shouldn’t you do it _right_?”

The idea of a right and a wrong way to save lives made Kate sick.

She pushed the woman out of the doorway.  “People like you are the reason kids wearing the wrong clothes are left to bleed to death on crowded streets.  Get out of my sight before I have you ejected from the carrier.”

“Well, I never!” the woman exclaimed.

“Then it’s about goddamn time,” Kate hissed, and glared until the woman stomped off.  Then she pressed her finger to the communicator in her ear.  “This is Hawkeye.  We’re lifting in three, it’s gonna start getting nasty.  Everybody report in.”

 _~“Patriot.  Northeast airlock is nice and quiet.”~_

 _~“Stature.  Ditto the southeast.  They’re all playing nice over here.”~_

 _~“Vision.  The northwest airlock is also tranquil.”~_

Kate leaned down to give a small boy a hand up and counted to five in her head.  “Speed, what about the main ramp?”

Far overhead, she could hear the engines start to power up.  Out in the crowd, she saw the ripples.  Confusion.  Realization.  Panic.

In the sudden surge and press, people started to go down, and it took every ounce of strength Kate had not to leave her post and help them.

It was good that Billy wasn’t with them; he might do any number of stupid things at a time like this.

And then she knew why Tommy wasn’t reporting in.  “Speed, you _cannot_ help them all.  Get back to your post.”

The lift alarms were going off.  The side airlocks were auxiliaries—backups.  Little more than emergency exits.  They would close first.

 _~“The northwest airlock is clear.”~_

 _~“Northeast, clear.”~_

Kate’s watch beeped a two-minute-warning.  She closed her eyes, steeled herself.  “I’m sorry,” she said to the people still shoving their way up the loading steps, and hit the button to close the interior door of the airlock.

Then the screaming started.  Another ripple, a mad press of human bodies, people reaching for the door.

 _~“S-southeast airlock, clear,”~_ Cassie sobbed.

She clenched her jaw and kicked the nearest man in the chest to knock them all back before the exterior door slid closed.  Then she took a deep breath and let herself into the carrier to move for the central ramp.

“Southwest airlock clear.  We’re out of time—Speed, get your ass back on the carrier and clear that ramp!”

The floor jerked just a little, the only inward sign that they were lifting off.

Kate moved faster, ducking between confused and frightened people, shoving several of them out of her way.  “Goddammit, Tommy, say something!”

 _~“Get over here and take this kid, willya?”~_ came the nonchalant reply over the comm.

She had to start incapacitating people to make it through the crowd as she got closer to the main cargo bay and the central ramp.

Looking out, she could see that they were already six feet off the ground and steadily climbing.  Some people were jumping.  Some were grasping the edge of the ramp and trying to pull themselves up.  About half a dozen were holding crying children aloft, hoping to pass them aboard.

Among them, she saw a flash of white hair and a cocky grin.

Kate unrepentantly kicked a businessman over the side and dropped stomach-down with both arms outstretched.  “Tommy, give me your hand!”

They were too high.  Eight feet and still going.

She felt his hand for a moment, pushing a shrieking toddler into her grasp.  “You bastard!” she shouted as the timer on her watch hit zero.

It beeped again, and she could hear familiar voices on the ship-to-ship comm that’d been installed in her watch.

 _~“Skybird Four away, crew intact.”~_

 _~“Skybird Five away, all crew aboard.”~_

 _~“Skybird Two away, crew intact.”~_

The pressure alarm started blaring over the liftoff alarm.

 _~“Hawkeye, Speed, what’s up with the central ramp?”~_ Eli demanded.  _~“The pressure alarm’s going—we need that ramp closed_ now _, or we can’t make MSD!”~_

All Kate could see was the tear-streaked face of the little girl in her arms.  She jerked upright, tucked the child against her shoulder, fought her way back up the ramp to the controls.  She hit close, keyed the override when the panel warned of obstructions.  “I’ve got it,” she said.  “The ramp’s closing.”

There was a hiss of air as the last slivers of daylight vanished, cutting out the noise of the doomed people below and shutting in the cries of people nearby noticing things like blood and severed fingers.

Inside the cargo bay, there was a sudden ominous hush of anticipation.

Over the carrier’s intercom, someone told them to look away from the flash and brace for impact.

And damn him, but Tommy sounded as casual and boisterous as ever when he spoke again.

 _~“Tell Bill I’m sorry, and not to cry too much.  It’s been real, you guys.  You weren’t always cool—okay, mostly you were pretty lame—but you were the best family a guy could ask for.  And Katie?”~_

“Yeah?” she said, and she heard her voice tremble.

 _~“It would never have worked between us, sweetheart.  You’re too possessive, and I should be shared with all womankind.”~_

She laughed in spite of herself, but choked on it when the carrier shook and she nearly lost her footing.

The ship-to-ship comm beeped again.

 _~“Skybird Seven is away, all support staff aboard.”~_

 _~“Skybird Six away.  Ms. Marvel and the Human Torch are presently missing in action.”~_

 _~“Skybird One.  Heavy civilian casualties, crew intact.  Sorta.”~_

It was funny.

Well, not funny…ironic.

Now that she had a _real_ reason to scream, she couldn’t find her voice.

Kate swallowed, took a deep breath, cleared her throat, set the little girl down so she could hold the transmit button on her watch.  “Skybird Three away,” she said.  “One casualty.  Tom Shepherd is dead.”

Before she could start to feel sorry for herself, or do something pathetic and soppy and useless like cry, she bent down and picked up the girl again—the girl Tommy had given his life to save.

“Hi, sweetie,” she said.  “What’s your name?”

The kid didn’t say anything right away, and Kate wondered for a moment if she was old enough to be talking yet.

“Katie,” the girl finally mumbled.

She flinched.  “And where’s your mommy?”

“She hurt her leg, so she made me go wif da man, but I didn’t wanna go.”

She hitched the toddler higher.  “Well, I’m gonna make sure you’re taken care of, okay?  I promise.”

Katie rubbed a grubby hand over her little nose.  “The man had funny clothes.  Was he a hero, like on TV?”

Kate forced another smile.  “Yes,” she managed.  “Yes, he was.”

 

 **.End.**


	2. Freeze Frame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment of the Big One, from Billy's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:**   more Young Avengers (and some X-Brats), Earth-339.  world-go-boom.  character death.  language: pg-13 (for g**damn).
> 
>  **pairing:**   background Billy/Teddy.
> 
>  **timeline:**   2019, the day of the Big One.  let's call it...late September?
> 
>  **disclaimer:**   i doesn't owns the movies, comics, or characters.  or the assorted objects of pop culture reference.
> 
>  **notes:**   1) poor neurotic Billy.  he really is a champion worrier.  2) the four X-Men guarding Utopia are Alani, Noriko, Sooraya, and Ororo.  not that it matters just yet.  3) Teen Titans.  i imagine that by 2019 it's a fondly replayed old show (like the ancient Tom and Jerry crap that kept showing up during the day on Cartoon Network).  4) EMP = electro-magnetic pulse.  due to the nature of explosive reactions, they all disrupt electronics to varying degrees, but atomic blasts cause an especially strong electronic disturbance.  out to at least MSD, any unshielded active electronics would fry.  5) twin bonds are weird and cool.  there have been instances of one twin feeling pain when the other was injured, of twins calling each other on the phone at exactly the same time, of twins separated from birth growing up to have uncannily similar spouses, jobs, or homes...  i wonder if a magic twin bond would be super-weird and super-cool.

**Freeze Frame**

 

Billy worries.  It’s something he does often and well.  His husband says he’s a champion at it.  His mother—he still thinks of Rebecca as his mother, because in spite of knowing that he’s technically Wanda Maximoff’s child, there’s still the fact that she had nothing to do with raising him—tells him that everyone worries, and he shouldn’t think of himself as abnormal.

Today, Billy actually has what other people will admit is a perfectly legitimate reason to worry.

He and Teddy, along with four X-Men, have been tasked with defending Utopia while their closest friends help evacuate the east coast.  Until the seven carriers and their escorts return to Utopia, it’s just the six of them looking out for more than three hundred mutants and their families.

And across the country, a war is about to kick off.

There’s no way to save everyone, he knows that.  Some people are too stubborn or too stupid for their own good.  Some people are too afraid of change to move forward.  But he also knows that some of his friends are too idealistic to easily accept those facts.

Hope can’t possibly accept it, at least on an emotional level, but she has two big stern fathers to keep her out of trouble.  Cap is probably on the verge of sulking from being unable to save everyone, and Stark’s martyr complex must be in full-swing.  Mr. Parker will be going nuts right about now.

Billy has a deep and stubborn sense of foreboding about today, a bone-deep dread of an unidentified _something_.

“You’re gonna wear a hole in the floor,” Alani says.  “Sit down, willya?  It’s almost time for Teen Titans.”

“I’m sorry,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair.  “Just put up with it a little longer.  It’s almost the deadline.”

Teddy snorts from his position behind one of the couches (Nori has recruited him to rub her shoulders).  “Bill, it’s not like they’re going to call up right at the deadline and say, ‘Hi, it’s us, the nukes landed and we’re all fine.’”

“EMP would scramble transmissions for a bit,” Nori agrees.

“Not helping,” says Alani.

“I can’t help it,” Billy groans, pacing faster.  “It’s that bad feeling again, the one I got when Tommy first made me promise to come here.”

The timer on his watch beeps, and he looks at the blinking zeroes for a moment.

It’s stupid.

He doesn’t even know what he’s waiting for.  Teddy was right, it’s not like they’ll be able to just pick up a cell phone and dial his number.  Nuclear explosions have a habit of taking out cell towers, for one thing.

Once again, a neurotic freak-out for no reason.  Total false alarm.

He closes his eyes and heaves a thick sigh.

Then the world stops.

Frowning, he looks around.

Nothing moves.  Nori and Alani and Teddy are caught between one heartbeat and the next.  The TV screen is a freeze frame of five cartoon superheroes.

He has just enough time to think _okay, that’s weird_ before strangeness eclipses it all.  A painful, suffocating press around him, pale sky above, and people are screaming, but he’s so _proud_ right now.

His vision cuts to blackness, and an awful sense of loss knocks the last of his breath out of his lungs.

Suddenly, he _knows_.  Tommy is dead.

It hurts when his knees hit the floor—they’ll definitely be bruised—but he barely notices the physical pain.  Some small part of him is mortified to realize that he’s crying like a baby.

“Billy!”

The world must be moving again.  He can hear the waves outside the window, and the chatter of the TV, and the scramble of his husband coming to see what’s wrong.  Strong hands touch his face.

“Are you okay?  What happened?”

His throat feels thick.  He can’t see through the tears.  He has to swallow before he can talk.  “He—he’s dead.  I told him to be careful, I _told_ him…”

Teddy pulls him close and hushes him.  “No, you don’t know that.  I’m sure everybody’s fine.”

But he _does_ know it.  He wishes he didn’t, but he _does_.

For the first time in years, he has to fight the instinctive urge to fix things.

Wanda tried to ‘fix’ things.  Dr. Strange had been quite clear:  there is nothing good down that road.  Rearranging reality is the number one no-no, and reversing death is number two.  It sounds like a dumb TV trope, but it’s the truth.  Bringing people back (or making people who didn’t exist to begin with) screws up the dimensional fabric.

Yeah, he could save Tommy if he tried, but there’d be all kinds of nasty consequences.

Sometimes, Billy wishes he wasn’t such a goddamn goody-two-shoes.

 

 **.End.**


	3. Knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate tries to think of a way to break the news, but Billy already knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:**   Earth-339.  a little slash.  a little character death.  sci-fi.  world-go-boom.  language: pg-13 (for s*** and g**damn).
> 
>  **pairing:**   none/gen (background Billy/Teddy).
> 
>  **timeline:**   2019, a few hours after the Big One.
> 
>  **disclaimer:**   i doesn't owns the movies, comics, or characters.
> 
>  **notes:**   1) i have no memory of the official names of the younger two Kaplan boys.  for all i know, they have no names.  in light of this, i have decided to name them Jason and Simon.  2) Tommy's death and the rescue of little Katie happened in **Hero** , the disappearance of Dr. Pym was investigated in [Missing in Action](http://archiveofourown.org/works/238151), and Wade was made Supreme Commander in [Aftermath](http://archiveofourown.org/works/238096/chapters/365071) (part of **Nightmares** ).

**Knowing**

 

When the shuttle touches down on Utopia, Kate still doesn’t know what she’s going to say.  She’s got to figure something out—she specifically asked to be the one to tell Billy the news.  He deserves to hear it from someone who cares about him, and who cared about Tommy.

The way he worries, she expected to see him on the landing platform.

Storm meets them instead.  Cyclops starts talking to her about preparing everyone to relocate to the carriers if necessary.

“Where’s Billy?” Kate asks, not caring that she’s interrupted one of Cyclops’ long-winded ‘I’m So Important’ strategy speeches.

“I’m told he’s not feeling well,” Storm says.  “He’s at his parents’ quarters right now.”

Kate feels the lump in the pit of her stomach grow a little bigger.  Only a holiday or a full-on nervous breakdown would send Billy to his parents.  “Thanks,” she tells the older woman, and sets off.

When the Ark Broadcast went out, all the X-Men and Avengers were allowed to invite their families to stay on Utopia while they worked on the project.  The Kaplans got in early, so they have a nice suite of rooms to themselves.

One of Billy’s little brothers answers the door.  James?  Jeremy?  She can never actually remember.  For years now, ‘the pests’ (as Billy calls them) have been ‘J-something’ and ‘S-something’ in Kate’s mind.

J-something stares at her for a moment.  “Oh,” he says.  “I guess you’re here to see the wet blanket.  I hope you’re not easily depressed, because he’s, like, _in mourning_.  This guy is seriously gloomy.  He’s been totally useless since Ted dragged him over here around noon.”

“Jason, who’s at the door?” Mrs. Kaplan calls.

He turns.  “It’s Kate!  I told her Billy’s being a downer.”

Mrs. Kaplan hurries to the door with a polite smile for Kate and turns her son firmly around to whisper urgently to him.  Kate hears the phrases ‘grief-induced catatonia’ and ‘nervous breakdown.’

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.  Sorry,” Jason dismisses.

“Go play your video game,” Mrs. Kaplan relents, pushing him down the hall.

“If he’s really that bad, maybe I should come back some other time,” Kate tries with a vague gesture.  “I’ve got some bad news for him.”

Mrs. Kaplan gives a little sigh and looks at Kate.  “Well, you know how William can be.  He was catatonic when Theodore brought him over.  Theodore seemed to think he was just letting himself get carried away, but I’m not so sure.  Maybe your news, however bad it is, will give him some closure.”

Jason and S-something are flanking Billy on the couch, playing a game Kate doesn’t recognize.

Billy looks like shit.  His face is pale, his eyes are bloodshot.  He looks like he’s been crying all afternoon.

“William, Kate’s here to see you,” Mrs. Kaplan says gently.

“She’s here to tell me he’s dead,” Billy says flatly.  “But I already know.”

Kate’s heart thumps.  “Yes,” she replies.  “I guess I should’ve figured you’d know.”

“I told him to be careful.  He didn’t listen.  He _never listens_.”

“Told you,” S-something says to Jason.  “You were all, ‘dude, he’s imagining things,’ and I was all, ‘no way, it’s totally some weird magic mutant twin thing.’”

“That’s enough, Simon,” says Mrs. Kaplan.  “Why don’t you boys go work on your male-to-female interpersonal communication?”

“Did Mom just tell us to go flirt with some chicks?”

“She totally did.  I’m outta here before the Twilight Zone completely takes over.”

They pause the game and abandon their controllers.

Kate takes the spot Simon vacated.  “He said to tell you he was sorry, and not to cry too much.”

Billy laughs weakly.  “Too late.”

“So I see,” she says neutrally.

“There must have been a reason…Kate, why wasn’t Tommy on that carrier with you?”

A sharp ache chokes her for a moment, and she has to take some time to swallow it down before she can talk.  She takes his hand in both of hers.  “I don’t know exactly what happened.  He went out into the crowd to help someone at the last second.  By the time I got to the ramp, it was too late.  He was completely surrounded, and we were high enough up that there was no way he could reach the ramp himself.  I told him to give me his hand, but he gave me a little girl instead.  She’s four, and her name is Katie.”

He laughs again, but it sounds like a sob.  “No wonder he was so proud of himself.”

“In fairness, we were all pretty proud of him, too,” she says, trying for a joking tone but feeling it fall flat.

“I should’ve been there,” he whispers.  “I could’ve saved him.”

“No,” she tells him, squeezing his hand.  “You would’ve killed yourself trying to save everyone _else_.  He didn’t want that.  More than anything, he didn’t want that.  You were very important to him, you know.”

He nods.  “I used to hate it.  Y’know?  I used to get so mad at the way he nosed into everything, the way he followed me and invaded my space and always had to know where I was, what I was doing, who I was with…  God, even my _parents_ never did that.  But looking back…I can’t believe how ungrateful I was.  He even told me, once, that he felt like he’d always been alone in the world until he met me.”

Kate hugs him tightly.  “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough.  I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner.”

“No,” he mumbles into her hair, and shakes his head.  “Don’t be sorry, Kate.  It’s not your fault.”

Hearing him say it frees something inside her, and she suddenly feels it’s okay to cry.  She lets go of the tears she’s held in for hours now, until her eyes feel raw and her nose is stopped up and her throat aches.  When she feels like she’s done, she takes a long breath and sits back to wipe her eyes.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asks him after a while.

He offers a thin smile.  “I wish I could say ‘yes.’  Or even ‘eventually.’  But I’m pretty sure it’d be a lie.”

That’s almost as devastating as the moment of Tommy’s death, because she knows Billy means it.  She swallows again and rubs his shoulder.  “Well, there’s…I’m sure there’ll be lots of…of grief counseling and…support groups.  And you’ve still got Teddy.”

“My _husband_ cannot replace my _brother_ ,” he tells her sharply, as if she should have known better.

“N-no, I…” Kate stammers.  “I know.”

“You _don’t_.  It’s like missing a limb, Kate.  Whatever weird magic of Wanda’s that made us in the first place…that magic gave us a connection.”

“I don’t think—”

“And even if hers didn’t, mine did.  And I know how easy it would be to try and fix this, and I know how _wrong_ it would be.  Dr. Strange told me over and over—using magic to bring people back screws things up.”

“Look, Billy, I know it’s gonna be hard, but—”

“You _don’t_ ,” he snaps again.  “You _really_ don’t.  I have spent the past several hours reminding myself not to think _Iwantmybrotherback_.  I’m gonna have to do that for years.  If I ever slip up, it’ll start an avalanche.  It’ll be like that whole—that M-Day mess that Wanda did, and all the weird shit she changed just before she disappeared.”  He takes a long, slow breath.  “So _no_ , Kate, I’m _never_ going to be ‘okay.’  But if you’ll give me some time and some goddamn _space_ , I can claw my way back to ‘in working order.’”

She leans away from him, drops her hands to her lap, clears her throat.  “Got it,” she says quietly.  “Rogers thought you’d like to know you can report for duty aboard the _Avenger_ any time you’d like.  There’s going to be a funeral on the deck of the _Providence_ —or just _Providence_ , I’m not actually sure—for everyone who died.  Wade—Supreme Commander Wilson,” she can barely say the words without laughing, “has demanded that Tommy get special mention.  Dr. Pym’s still missing, and some of the SHIELD staff on _Providence_ were crushed during the panic, but nobody…”  She trails off with a shrug.

“Tom’s the only idiot who’d jump ship to save one little girl,” Billy finishes for her.  Then he scowls and rubs his forehead.  “God, what the hell was he even _thinking_?  There’s no way he would’ve been able to move in that kind of crowd, and they were all doomed anyway, he should’ve just _blown them up_.”

“You don’t mean that,” Kate says quickly.

“I don’t mean that,” he admits with a shaky sigh.

“Anyway, the funeral’s in an hour, if you wanna go.”

“I don’t.  I _can’t_.”

She thinks she understands, at least a little.  She nods.  “I’ll tell them.  The carriers will be here for a while, while they negotiate to let some of the refugees back into the States.  You know my number.”

He nods.  “Thanks, Kate.”

 

**.End.**


	4. Tough Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three pivotal moments in the life of Tom Shepherd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this escaped from fingers to keyboard just now, over the course of maybe five or ten minutes, and screamed to me "YOU MUST POST ME NOW."  so.  here you go.
> 
>  **warnings:**   some Young Avengers, Earth-339.  world-go-boom.  character death.  mild violence, mild gore.  language: pg-13 (for one use of s***).
> 
>  **pairing:**   a little bit of the ever-ambiguous sort-of-brother-complex, sort-of-unrequited-love that is Tommy/Billy.
> 
>  **timeline:**   checks in at three times - 2009, 2013, and 2019.
> 
>  **disclaimer:**   i doesn't owns the movies, comics, or characters.
> 
>  **notes:**   1) title comes from the Pat Benatar song "Shadows of the Night," specifically the line "You can cry, tough baby, it's all right / You can let me down easy, but not tonight."  2) the last segment is Tommy's POV from **Hero**.

**Tough Baby**

 

Tommy watches a chunk of skyscraper fall.  It’s a ponderous process, from his point of view.  He has plenty of time to think about it, and about his options.

He can get the hell out.  Save himself.  Eli will bitch for a month.

He can try to save the screaming chick and her oblivious, Gameboy-fixated son, the pair of businessmen, and the little old lady.  It’ll take too long to try and save the dude who just got into his car.  Eli will look stern for a while.

He can try to blast the chunk of skyscraper into gravel (which will still hurt, but probably won’t be fatal).  Eli will bitch for a week.

He can stand there and hope one of the others will deal with it.  Maybe he’ll get squished.  More likely, the falling architectural feature will be magicked away.  Eli will grumble for a week, Tommy will look like a total loser.

A combination of saving and exploding looks like the way to go.

The dude in the car is screaming by the time Tommy’s cleared the others out; it doesn’t do much for Tommy’s concentration.

He misjudges the size and density of the rubble falling toward him.  The explosions turn it from a huge chunk into several large and still-lethal chunks, one of which is literally a millisecond away from cracking his skull open when it vanishes in a burst of blue light.

Some kind of platitude is on the tip of his tongue, ‘good save’ or something like that, but he finds he can’t speak when Billy is standing there shouting at him.

“—could’ve been _killed_ , what were you _thinking_ —”

And Tommy wants very badly to just laugh it off, but Billy’s crying.

He made his little brother cry.

On that day, when they are just-barely-seventeen, he promises himself that he’ll never do anything to make Billy cry again.

Fast-forward.

Four years later, it’s something similar.  Replace ‘chunk of skyscraper’ with ‘train full of people.’

Blowing it up isn’t an option.

But there’s this crying little kid fifty feet away, and maybe, _maybe_ Tommy can reach him in time to save them both.

Or maybe he’ll get there just in time to be squished flat, and Billy will cry.

Even the possibility has him frozen for a moment in complete indecision.

Cass manages to catch the train, but the thing’s gotta be awkward, and the last car’s barely attached anyway, and…

And even though Cass catches the train, that one car falls, dead-on, like it’s fate, and nails the crying little kid.

Tommy shuts down.

 _You could’ve saved him.  So what if it would’ve risked your life?  That’s what heroes do._

This feeling is, against all odds, _worse_ than making Billy cry.

That’s the day, halfway through twenty-one, that he tells himself that Billy knows what they all signed up for.

Fast-forward.

It’s the day of the Big One.  Same shit, different day.  It’s not a skyscraper, it’s not a train.

It’s a nuclear missile and all the worst parts of human nature.

They push and press and shove and crush.

When a woman with a toddler on her shoulder goes down, he doesn’t hesitate.

“Hey, are you all right?!” he shouts to the woman at his feet, even as he holds her daughter securely to his chest.

The woman shakes her head and sobs.  “My leg, I—just take her.  Go, _go_!”

“Mommy!” cries the little girl.

“Katie, go with the man, please!”

He spares a moment to look at the child in his arms.  She’s four-ish, and beautiful, and her name is Katie.  And if he doesn’t move _now_ , she’s going to die.

So he pushes his way back toward the carrier.  He could just blast them all out of the way, could try a shockwave or something…

No, they don’t deserve that, and it might damage the carrier.

So he pushes.

It’s too late.  He knows it’s too late.  Unless he kills someone, he’s going to die.

 _That’s what heroes do._

Kate’s yelling in his ear, over the comm.

It’s too late.

He could reach her hand if he tried, but he might drop Katie.  He stretches as far as he can and passes the little girl up into strong, sure hands.

“You bastard!” Kate shrieks at him.

The carrier keeps climbing into the sky.

Billy’s going to cry _so hard_.

And when he stops, he’ll be _so proud_.

On the last day of Tommy’s life, they’re almost twenty-seven, and he wishes with all his heart that Billy could have just an inkling of what he’s feeling right now.

And then the world burns.

 

 **.End.**


	5. Midnight Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some moping and contemplation, Tommy decides he doesn't need anything but his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually started this one before **Tough Baby**.  it is and isn't what i'd been hoping for.
> 
>  **warnings:**   some Young Avengers, Earth-339.  emo angsty topics.  vague sort-of-but-technically-not-twincesty undertones.  language: pg-13 (for s***).
> 
>  **pairing:**   a little bit of the ever-ambiguous sort-of-brother-complex, sort-of-unrequited-love that is Tommy/Billy, plus some background Billy/Teddy and some wistful one-sided Tommy/Teddy.
> 
>  **timeline:**   2009-ish, shortly after the first scene in **Tough Baby**.  let's say that Earth-339 splits from Young Avengers canon somewhere before Children's Crusade. obviously, since the 339 Avengers live at the tower again instead of the mansion.
> 
>  **disclaimer:**   i doesn't owns the movies, comics, or characters.
> 
>  **notes:**   1) title comes from the Pat Benatar song "Shadows of the Night," specifically the line "Now the hands of time are standin' still / Midnight angel, won't you say you will."  2) Tommy is the ultimate stray cat.  he lives in like five places at once and wanders in and out of them as he pleases.  pizza night at Avengers Tower?  he's there.  ice cream party at the X-Mansion?  totally there.  fresh cookies at the Kaplans' place?  all over it.

**Midnight Angel**

 

It’s weird.

Before Tommy met Billy, he didn’t think he was pretty, or even marginally attractive.  Oh, he bragged and preened and pretended to be stuck on himself…he knew _other people_ thought he was good-looking, but he just figured they had lousy taste.

He read in a psych textbook (one of Mrs. Kaplan’s) that vanity is a cry for attention.  In his case, it’s been more like a scream.

But then he met Billy, and he immediately recognized his own face—and suddenly, he saw that he was _pretty_.

They have long eyelashes (Tommy’s are almost white, though, so they tend to vanish at a distance), a good jawline, a great smile.

He finds himself watching Billy a lot—just watching.  He compares the way they move, the way they stand.  He practices imitating Billy’s mannerisms, especially that cute little scowly-pout he does when Teddy teases him.

And Teddy.  God, what a poke in the eye.

They’re seventeen, but Billy has apparently met his _soulmate_ , who is this sweet, devoted, amazing, shapeshifting alien _prince_.  Tommy, by contrast, has had and lost eight mediocre girlfriends.  This year.

So it’s not his looks that are chasing them away (he could try hair dye just to be sure).  It’s some fundamental flaw in his personality.

He’s tried everything.  He’s tried being clingy, he’s tried being aloof, he’s tried clingy-pretending-to-be-aloof.  He’s tried cheerful, he’s tried emo, he’s tried needy-and-suicidal.  He’s tried good boy, bad boy, everywhere-in-between-boy.

But it’s always the same.  Stage One:  ‘Wow, I really like you.  You’re so [insert appropriate adjective here].’  Stage Two:  ‘Oh.  Hi.’  Stage Three:  ‘Listen, Tommy, you’re a great guy and I really like you, but you’re just too [insert same adjective].’  Usually over a period of about a week.

At least Teddy’s not staying with the Kaplans anymore (after he got back and the dust settled a bit, Cap put a stop to Billy and Teddy’s scandalous life of teenage cohabitation pretty quick by insisting there was plenty of space at Avengers Tower).

That’s how it comes to pass that Tommy is thinking deeply on these subjects while sitting across the coffee table from Teddy in the sitting room of the Avengers’ suite.

“So, Ted,” he says casually.

Teddy’s doing homework and looking Very Serious.  He doesn’t look up, but he’s constitutionally incapable of not acknowledging someone who’s so far talking to him very politely.  “Tommy, I’m really busy.”

Tommy hears that a lot, but it makes him feel like some neglected little kid when it comes from a guy whose very nature pretty much requires him to be solicitously nice to _everyone_.  “What d’you like about Billy?”

“Hm?” Teddy says, still mostly focused on his homework.  “We’ve got a lot in common, I guess.”

“Liiiike?”

“Well, we geek on the same superheroes…”

“She-Hulk and Scarlet Witch, right?  Me too, they’re awesome.”

“We like a lot of the same music…”

“Screamo and hardcore, I dig that.”

“Same taste in food…”

“Kosher franks with sauerkraut ‘n honey mustard, cool.  But what about sports?  What’s your favorite sport?  Baseball, right?  Billy hates baseball.  _I_ like baseball.”

Teddy pauses, puts his pencil down.  “Oh, yeah, and there’s one more teeny tiny thing we have in common:  we both _like guys_.”

Busted.

Tommy shrugs a little, feet starting to jiggle restlessly against the coffee table.  “I think I could be flexible about that.  I mean, it’s not like liking girls has done me any favors, right?”

When Teddy sets his homework aside and looks up at Tommy, he has this really _obvious_ look of utter concern on his face that cuts right through every defense Tommy has.  “Uh…well, I guess I’ve heard worse reasons to try bisexuality.  Tommy, are—are you okay?”

“What?Yeah,ofcourseI’mokay,hah,whyareyouevenaskingmethat?” Tommy laughs in an awkward rush.

“Tommy, c’mon.  No bullshit.  You’re making that ‘something’s bothering me but I don’t want people to worry’ face that Billy does.”

Tommy laughs again, but it feels hysterical.  His feet won’t hold still.  He wishes he had an excuse like homework, so he could run away from those earnest blue eyes.  His stomach does a horrible little flip.  “I.  Um.  Ohhhh, I think there’s something wrong with me.”

“Wrong like how?” Teddy asks, oozing worry.

“Wrong like _defective_ ,” Tommy says, and looks at his hands so that he doesn’t have to look at Teddy.  “The longest I’ve ever had a girlfriend is a week and a half…and I _try_ , I figure out whatever they want me to be and that’s what I am for them, I’m _good_ at it, but…”  He shrugs.  “But a week later, they’re done, and I used to think maybe it was because they were sick of looking at me, but I look like Billy, and Billy’s—he’s—I mean, _look at him_.”  He gestures vaguely.  “So, obviously the raw materials are good…it’s just _me_.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t try to be _anything_ for them,” Teddy says tentatively.  “Maybe you should just be yourself.”

“Right, because that worked out so well with my parents,” Tommy says, and gives another little hysterical laugh.  He feels like he’s about to puke.  Or burst into tears.

 _Damaged goods._   Screwed up his parents’ marriage, screwed up his high school life, screwed up his _high school_ , screws up everything vaguely resembling a relationship…

“Uh.  Wow.”  Slowly, Teddy stands up and gestures toward the door.  “I’m gonna…um…”

Tommy forces his feet to still (before he either goes through the table or blows it up), waves his hands.  “Oh,” he laughs.  “Jeez,sorry,Itotallydidn’tmeantodumponyou.”  He has to concentrate to slow down his speech.  “Don’t mind me, Ted, completely ignore this whole conversation, chalk it up to PMS or something.  Heh.”

“Like I was saying, I’m gonna go to the kitchen and make some hot chocolate.  You want a cup?”

“Yes,yesplease,chocolatewouldbe _awesome_ rightnow.”

“I know what it’s like, you know:  being something you’re not because you think it’ll make people happy.  It’s not the answer.”

Hah.  Easy for him to say, he can literally be _anything_.

As soon as Teddy’s out of the room, Tommy flees Avengers Tower at a speed just slow enough to keep from shattering glass.  It’s times like this that he wonders if he can run fast enough to escape the stupid shit he says.  Sure, Teddy _seems_ like a nice guy, but when the chips are down, he’ll turn on Tommy like everyone else always does.  Someday, he’ll be in a bad mood, he’ll be mad about something Tommy did or said, and he’ll _tell_ people.

Hey, everybody, Tommy’s got an inferiority complex the size of Staten Island, and he couldn’t keep a girlfriend if his life depended on it!

If he gives them the chance, _everybody_ turns on him.

Except Billy.  Billy always leaves before it comes to that.

That’s…somehow, it’s better.

Tommy spends a long time hiding atop one of the towers of the Brooklyn Bridge.  It’s late by the time he comes down…sometime past midnight.

Teddy (being the decent guy that he is) is probably worried sick.  Probably took every single fellow resident of Avengers Tower telling him ‘chill, Tommy’s like a stray cat’ to keep him from organizing a manhunt.

Tommy runs to the Kaplans’ place.  Billy’s window is open just a little—just a crack, enough for Tommy to get a hand on the ledge and go _through_.

Billy’s especially pretty when he’s asleep.  It gives Tommy a twinge of simultaneous envy and admiration.

Very slowly, he sits on the edge of Billy’s bed.  He just sits, looks around at how _normal_ everything is, feels sorry for himself some more.

A sleep-warm hand rubs up his spine.  “Hey, wha’s wrong?” Billy mumbles groggily behind him.

“Nothing,” he lies.

Billy grunts.  “C’mere.”

When Tommy looks over his shoulder, Billy’s holding the blankets up.

“C’mon,” Billy presses, scooting over to make space.

So, full of wonder, Tommy kicks his shoes off and snuggles up under the blankets.

“I c’n tell when y’ lyin’.  Wha’s wrong?”

“You are _amazing_ ,” is all Tommy says.

Billy rolls his eyes.  “’Mazing neurotic gay Jewish nerd.  _You’re_ ‘mazing.  Dumb, but ‘mazing.  _Brave_.  Couldn’ do what you do.”

And Tommy doesn’t know why, but it means everything to hear those words from Billy.  _Billy_ means everything.  “Y’know, I always felt like I was all alone in the world.  Until I met you.”

Billy gives a sleepy smile.  “Know y’ welcome _whenever_ , Tommy.  You’re m’ brother.”  Then he tries to frown sternly (the effect is softened considerably by his droopy, unfocused eyes and mussed hair).  “You.  Worried Ted half t’ death.  Said he thought y’might jump off a building or somethin’.”

“I wouldn’t,” Tommy says.

“I know.  Y’d never do somethin’ y’thought might make me cry.”

Something warm and fuzzy flip-flops in Tommy’s stomach.  “Sure I would,” he lies with a grin.  “Anyway, what he ‘n I were talking about earlier isn’t an issue anymore.”

Already mostly asleep again, Billy makes an agreeable sort of noise.  “M’kay.  Long as y’ don’t need anything, ‘m goin’ back t’ sleep.”

“Nope, don’t need anything,” Tommy says softly.

No.  He doesn’t need a girlfriend.  Or a boyfriend.  Or anything.  All he needs is Billy.

 

 **.End.**


	6. Don't Look Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teddy needs someone to talk to. Kate does the best she can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one i'm just tired of.  i kicked it around so much, and it actually mostly deals with things i completely scrapped, so it feels very disembodied to me, but [~MerianMoriarty](http://merianmoriarty.deviantart.com) mentioned that it looks like only Billy (and Kate, to an extent) go through a grieving process after Tommy's death.
> 
>  **warnings:**   some Young Avengers, Earth-339. world-go-boom. character death. OC: Katie Ashton is the cute little four-year-old Tommy saved at the last minute in **Hero**. language: pg-13 (for one use of g**damn).
> 
>  **pairing:**   background Billy/Teddy, background Kate/Eli, teeny little hints of Teddy/Tommy and Kate/Tommy.
> 
>  **timeline:**   2020, six-ish months after the Big One.
> 
>  **disclaimer:**   i doesn't owns the movies, comics, or characters.
> 
>  **notes:**   1) i've actually changed the name of this one several times, looking for one that fit.  after **Tough Baby** , it felt right to name this one "Don't Look Back."  it's a reference to the same Pat Benatar song (Shadows of the Night), specifically the line:  "Ransom my heart, but baby, don't look back / 'Cause we got nobody else."  2) "The Remains of the Day" is an acclaimed British post-war novel (that was made into a movie with Christopher Reeve and Anthony Hopkins).  it's about, among other things, the juxtaposition of stability and self-imprisonment.  3) i've noticed that most kids below the age of five find tall people to be very scary (unless their parents are tall).  4) "Katie-pie" is actually something one of the girls at the magazine where i work calls her little niece.  apparently, it started as "cutie-pie" and morphed because the girl's name is Katherine.  5) even after twenty-some years, i imagine a shapeshifter could still accidentally change faces by thinking about someone too much.  6) the future-tense segment at the end happens in [(Holding on to) What I Haven't Got](http://archiveofourown.org/works/238096/chapters/365105) (the last chapter of Nightmares).

**Don’t Look Back**

 

Katie turns out to have a natural aptitude for marksmanship.  It will be a few years before her little hands are strong enough for a gun or a bow, but Kate’s made her a slingshot, and she’s good with it.

At the moment, Katie is banking roast peanuts off the wall and into Cassie’s mouth while the blonde reads an old paperback copy of _Remains of the Day_.  Kate doesn’t know where the book came from; Cass probably borrowed it from someone (maybe Eli).

“What do you think we should get for supper?” Kate asks.  “The choices are spaghetti with meatballs or seaf—”

“Pasketti!” Katie replies instantly.

“…seafood chowder,” Kate finishes.  “Okay, spaghetti it is.”

The door beeps just as Katie fires another shot.

“Bring your elbow up a little higher,” Kate suggests as she goes to answer the door.

Few people can inspire pity and coddling like a good-natured blond shapeshifter who’s (consciously or unconsciously) mastered the pleading expression of a golden retriever.

“Teddy,” she says, slightly shocked.

He scuffs his sneaker against the floor.  “Hi,” he mumbles.  “Can I come in?”

She almost asks where Billy is, but thinks better of it.  The two of them are only ever separable when one or both of them need space.  “Yeah.  Sure.”

“Wow, who died?” Cassie asks (reflexively, Kate thinks), and then grimaces.  “Oh.  Jeez.  Sorry.  Oh, _gosh_.”

“No, it’s okay,” Teddy tells her with a sad little smile that means it really isn’t.

“It’s _not_ , ohmigosh,” Cassie chides.

Katie stands beside Kate and stares up (and up, and up) at Teddy with something like trepidation.

“Hi,” he says again.  He wipes his palms on his jeans in a nervous motion.

“Sit,” Kate commands.

He slips into the other chair at her table, across from Cassie ( _Remains of the Day_ sits abandoned between them).

“What’s bothering you, Teddy?”

The puppy face tunes a few notches toward pathetic, from ‘golden retriever’ to ‘golden retriever shut out in the rain.’

“I know what’s bothering you,” Kate amends.  “But you need to say it.  Out loud.  In words.”

“I’m sorry, I just need someone to talk to.”

She raises her eyebrows.  “I imagine so, since one of your closest friends just died and you can’t talk about it with your husband for fear of instigating reality-altering magic.  I think you should have tried talking to me or Cassie a lot sooner, to be honest—it’s already been six months.”

“It’s…it’s kinda a ‘guy thing,’” Teddy says sheepishly.  “Like to think we can just tough it out, y’know?  I mean…I figured if Bill has to tough it out, I should be supportive and do the same, right?”

“Wrong, big time,” Cassie disagrees.  “Because if you look all unhappy like this around him, he’s just gonna end up feeling guilty.  One of you needs to be psychologically recovered from this, and he’s not going to manage that by sticking his fingers in his ears and saying ‘lalala, Tommy who?’  So _you’ve_ gotta man up.”

Teddy gapes at her like she’s said something incredibly groundbreaking.

“Step one,” Kate says, gently nudging Katie toward him.  “Katie, sweetie, this is Teddy.  I know he’s big, but he’s a very nice man.  Teddy, this is Katie Ashton, the girl Tommy gave his life for.”

Like most small children, Katie shrinks and mumbles unintelligibly toward the floor.

But Teddy knows how to deal with small children by now.  He smiles and leans down, elbows propped on his knees.  “Hi, Katie.  Who’s your favorite superhero?”

“Or superhero _ine_!” Cassie gripes.

Katie shrugs a little.  “Ms. Marvel, I guess…”

Skrull shapeshifting is a swift and graceful process—in the space of a blink, Carol is sitting there with her hair growing out to the proper length.

“Whoa!” Katie gasps in appropriate awe.

“I do a pretty good She-Hulk impression, too,” Teddy says in Carol’s voice.  Another fluid shift, bigger frame, green hair and skin.

“Wow!  Can you be anybody?”

He reverts to his usual form.  “Anybody I’ve seen, sure.  But if there’s stuff about them I haven’t seen—like a scar under their clothes or something—I can’t fake that.  And I can’t fake their powers if they have any.”

Katie purses her lips.  “Bummer.  That coulda been cool, if you could stick on walls like Spider-Man.”  She fidgets for a bit.  “Can you be dead people?  Like my mommy?”

Teddy goes very pale and sits up straight again.  “I…I shouldn’t.”  Kate doesn’t like the long pause there.  “And anyway, it’s like I said…I have to have seen them, or a picture of them.”

“Katie,” Kate says gently, and takes the little girl by the shoulders.  “Why don’t you and Cassie go get that spaghetti for us?  Just three—Teddy will get his own when he goes to get dinner for his husband.”

“Y-yeah, uh, let’s go, Katie-pie,” Cassie stammers, hopping to her feet and quickly ushering Katie out the door.  “Maybe we’ll go see what Jonas is up to while we’re at it.”

When it’s just the two of them, Kate takes the seat Cassie vacated.  Slowly, she reaches across and puts a hand on Teddy’s shoulder.  “Was it an accident?”

He jumps guiltily and won’t meet her eyes.  “Yes.  I was in the bathroom the other day, just splashing water on my face…just taking some time out, y’know?  And then I looked up at the mirror and there he was.  Scared the crap outta me.  I didn’t dare tell Billy.”

“You _really_ should’ve talked to somebody about this sooner, Teddy,” she sighs.

“I know, I know…it’s just…I mean, even sitting here, right now, I don’t know what to say.  I’ve gone over it in my head a thousand times, and I still…I don’t…”

She squeezes his shoulder.  “There’s not a right or wrong thing to say.  Just _talk_.  If you want, I can start.”

He just nods, so she takes a deep breath.

“Tom Shepherd was a bigmouth and a braggart,” she begins.  “He was _so_ full of hot air, but he could be really funny, too.  He had this…this dry wit, just like Billy but _worse_.  There were times where I thought to myself that if he’d been any more snide and sarcastic he’d have been born _British_.”

“There were times when it felt like he knew Billy better than I ever will,” Teddy replies.  “He’d know what Billy was going to do before he did it…especially if it was something dumb and self-sacrificing.  I think it might’ve been because he would’ve done the same thing if their places had been switched.  He could be so stupid and stubborn and headstrong—they both could—but there was this loneliness and this _earnestness_ that just…”

Kate sits in patient silence while Teddy stares at a spot on the floor and looks guiltier by the second.

“I keep catching myself thinking that if I’d met him first I probably wouldn’t be married to Bill right now,” he finally whispers.

That surprises her.  Billy and Teddy are an axiomatic truth of the universe.  Water’s wet, sky’s blue, Billy and Teddy were destined to be together.  Like peanut butter and jelly, cinnamon and sugar, cocoa and marshmallows.  “Sure you would,” she laughs.  “Tommy was straight.”

“When we were seventeen, Tommy said he was willing to be flexible if it meant he’d be able to date the same person for more than a week.”

Kate takes her hand away.  “You should _not_ have told me that.  Any of that.  That whole subject, in fact.  If Billy asks, I’m not going to lie to him, and that’s absolutely the last thing in the world he needs when he’s trying _not_ to do forbidden magic.  With the state he’s in right now, he’d magic himself right out of existence—replace himself with Tommy, or something.  And then we’d all feel pretty Goddamn guilty, wouldn’t we?”

“Didn’t I _tell_ you I didn’t know what to say?” he groans miserably.  “I shouldn’t have said _anything_.  I shouldn’t have come here.  I should’ve just sat there and smiled and been Bill’s cheerful blond puppy husband.  ‘Oh, look at him, the sweetheart, don’t you just want to pat his head and say _good boy_?’”

Kate flinches.  “Okay, so…over the years, people have kind of just assumed you’re Billy’s pet airhead, and you’ve had to bear with a lot of unfair and unrealistic expectations.”  She sighs.  “And it’s not like I have any room to talk about daydreaming ‘what if’ scenarios.  He was good-looking, smart, funny…a great friend…maybe the bravest person I ever met or ever _will_ meet.  But you don’t marry the bad boy who busted outta juvie after blowing up his high school.  You marry the guy who works at the library and takes care of his grandma.”

Teddy glances at her briefly, then back to the floor.  “Are you gonna?  Marry Eli, I mean.  Now that Tommy’s dead and he can’t either mock you endlessly or crash your wedding with a rude drunken toast.”

She shakes her head.  “He wouldn’t have.  Not in public, anyway.”

“Which one?”

“Either one.  And I don’t think he was serious about me anymore.”  She shrugs.  “I don’t think he was serious about anybody but Billy anymore.  His life revolved around being a big brother.  Yes, I think I’m ready to be a wife now.  ‘Kate Bradley’ has a nice ring to it.  Much better than ‘Kate Shepherd.’  There you go—he’d never change his last name for you, and ‘Teddy Shepherd’ would absolutely ensure dog jokes for the rest of your days.”

“Oh, God,” he laughs.  “You’re absolutely right.  Ugh.  Thank God for Mr. William Altman.”  He looks much better now than he did when he came in.  He heaves a big sigh.  “I’m so sorry about all this, Kate.  I’ll be fine, I promise.  I have to be…for Billy.”

She touches his shoulder again.  “Hang in there.”

In two years, when Billy only does his job and won’t talk and won’t smile and won’t even go into a room if it’s got a mirror in it, Kate will think back on this conversation.  She’ll wonder what she said that was wrong, and how much of it was right, and whether she could’ve said something differently.  Because Teddy won’t smile anymore, either, and he won’t put on faces for the kids.

She’ll wish she’d said _try to be fine for_ Teddy _, too_.  She’ll wish she’d said _don’t forget to take care of_ yourself _, or you won’t be able to be there for_ him.

And when Cable asks for volunteers for a suicide mission, Kate will blame herself for the way Billy and Teddy step forward like it’s their only way out.

 

 **.End.**


End file.
